


Even After Four Years It's Hard

by PeregrineBones



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Friendship, Long-Term Relationship(s), M/M, Vampires, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-20
Updated: 2016-11-20
Packaged: 2018-08-31 22:38:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8596495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PeregrineBones/pseuds/PeregrineBones
Summary: It's Penny's wedding, and Simon is trying to be happy for her, but we all know your best friend's wedding is always difficult.





	

Even after four years it’s hard.

 

Well you should try it. Being around magic after you’ve lost it . It’s supposed to get easier according to my therapist. And Penny. And Baz. My own personal cheerleading squad. And they’re right. It is easier in a way, but only in a way. In another way, it just gets harder.

 

There’s a book for people like me. Apparently I’m not the only one to lose my magic. But people in the mage world don’t like to talk about it much, so the book is hard to find. Penny dug up a copy of it for me though. _Life Beyond Magic_ it says, in cheerful yellow print on a green background. I have refused to open it. My therapist says that’s OK. I’ll read it when I’m ready, she says.

 

My therapist’s name is Andrea by the way. She’s one of the few magical therapists in the world. She lives in America. We have our sessions over Skype.

 

Anyway, it’s Penny’s wedding, so I’m trying to keep it together for her sake. We’ve been best mates, after all, since we were eleven. Penny is radiant with happiness. I’ve never really seen her like this. Her graduation from Uni was a few weeks ago. I didn’t graduate, even though we’re in the same year. I lost a term when I had surgery. And the term before that my marks were so bad, I may as well not have gone. Anyway, I’ve got another year to go. I don’t mind, really. I like my normal friends, at Uni. These days, I prefer them.

 

Baz graduated as well and has a job, a real adult job, in a London bank. He’s due to start as soon as we get back. He’s trying to act like he’s not nervous though I can tell he is. His graduation was a quiet affair. He’s still not speaking to his dad. We just went to the ceremony then went out with Fiona afterwards and got pissed. His step mum sent him flowers. I think she feels bad.

 

Penny’s wedding is in a suburb of New York where Micah’s family lives and everything is very green. And hot. It’s incredibly hot here, which makes the smells worse. And that’s the problem really. Though my power is gone, I can still feel magic, that delicious tingle, and I can still smell it. I don’t know, maybe it’s spending so much time around a vampire. Or maybe it’s something to do with the fact that I’ve lost my magic, and smell is all I have left of it, but I’ve become very attuned to the smell of other people’s magic. More so than when I had magic myself. And Micah’s family, all of these American mages really, the smell of their magic is very strong. And different. Woodsier, earthier, more like something you’d like to eat. Micah’s whole house reeks of magic, and when we first got here two nights ago, it almost made me feel a little nauseous. I’m more used to it now, but still. And it makes me sad. It made me sad when Micah’s little sister greeted us at the front door with a bunch of roses she conjured from thin air, it made me sad when Micah’s mother waved her wand after dinner and the plates neatly stacked themselves and flew into the kitchen. Penny and Baz know things like that upset me, and they avoid doing them, but I can’t really expect that here.

 

It’s a beautiful day for a wedding. The sky is a clear blue and there’s a little breeze, making the heat less intense. There’s a huge white tent in the back garden and about twenty waiters in black and white uniforms setting things up. Micah’s family has money, you really can’t see where the back garden ends and the house is huge, large enough to accommodate all of Penny’s family as well as Agatha and her parents and me and Baz. Agatha is the maid of honor. Micah’s best (and apparently, only, friend) Rodolpho is the best man. Baz and I are ushers, paired with Micah’s two oldest sisters as bridesmaids.

 

Penny and her bridesmaids are sequestered in Micah’s parents’ room getting ready. She won’t trust her hair to anyone but Baz, they’ve been experimenting on it together for months in preparation, so he’s up there as well. I’m down in Micah’s room with him and Rodolpho, trying to get him ready. Playing the straight man, which I’m good at. Baz teases me about it but I know that secretly he likes it. It’s easy, anyway, with Micah and Rodolpho. They’re such geeks, they’re easily impressed with the smallest demonstration of masculinity. We’re all in our grey tuxedos with blue cummerbunds. Baz and Penny spent months picking out the colors and choosing clothes and flower arrangements. Our flat in London has been awash in bride's magazines and fabric swaths all year. Unfortunately, I’m not sure blue is Micah’s color. He is very pale, like skim milk, and there are shadows under his eyes. He’s gotten tall, but in a way that makes him look young, kind of like he’s had a growth spurt and hasn’t had time to fill in. He’s sweated through his dress shirt, and Rodolpho is trying to dry him with his wand.

 

It suddenly hits me that Penny is actually marrying this fellow, and like it or not, things are never going to be the same. After the wedding she’s starting graduate school in New York, supplemented by courses at the New York Institute of Magic. She and Micah all ready have an apartment picked out in Brooklyn. They’re going furniture shopping next week. The flat that Penny and I shared for four years is empty. My few possessions are in boxes at Baz’s.

 

I think it’s going to be good for me and Baz to move in together. It’s been fine, each having our own place, but sometimes it’s awkward. It should be better when we get back. No more your place or mine conversations, or the nights when you just want to sit around and watch football or something and you have to make some kind of excuse. We’ll be home together, and his bed will be my bed and we’ll do normal types of things like go grocery shopping with each other and clean the kitchen. I’ve been thinking we might get a cat. It’s an idea that my therapist has been encouraging.

 

Micah is looking sweatier despite Rodolpho’s ministrations. A shiny layer of moisture is now beading on his face. Without a wand, I’m not much good to him, and I decide I want to see Penny before the ceremony, so I step out for a few minutes and head upstairs.

 

I don’t think blokes are usually allowed in with the bride before the ceremony, but Baz and I, being poofters, get special privileges . Baz prefers to say queers or gay men, but I haven’t found a word for what we are that feels comfortable. It’s something I’m working on in therapy.

 

When I enter, Baz is putting the final touches on Penny’s hair. She really looks beautiful. Penny doesn’t usually fuss much or wear makeup, but Baz and Agatha have done a great job with her. Her dark skin is smooth and flawless, glowing against her white gown. She must be wearing contact lenses because her glasses are gone and her eyes look big and shiny. Her hair is gorgeous, falling in dark tresses down her back and scattered with tiny white flowers. She smiles up at me when I come in, but I can tell she’s nervous because her left eyebrow is twitching, always a sure sign. I’m not much of a hugger but I feel compelled to cross the room, put my arms around her and plant a kiss right on that twitching eyebrow.

 

“Hey, don’t bollox up my masterpiece,” says Baz, batting me away, laughing, He’s having fun. “I’ve been working for over an hour here.”

 

Penny gives me a grateful look. I know she’s glad to have me here. I’m happy for her, I really am, but I also can’t shake the feeling that although this is a new beginning for her, it’s also a kind of an ending for her and me. “You look great,” I tell her, honestly. “You should let Baz have his way with you more often.”

 

Baz smirks at that, and Penny tries to hit me, and then there’s a lot of fussing over getting the veil right , and then it’s time for Baz and I to go join the men.

 

****  
The ceremony is beautiful. Micah’s face lights up when he sees Penny and he looks tall and handsome as opposed to nervous and sweaty. Penny looks at him with love blazing from her face. When they kiss, Baz wraps his pinky around mine and gives it a squeeze. I squeeze back as 100 magical doves are released and fly up into the azure sky.

 

The reception isn’t too bad at first. There’s a lot of magic around, trays of hors d’oeuvres sailing through the air, magical fireworks rolling lazily around the top of the tent, sending down occasional showers of sparks, blokes standing there chatting with their drinks levitated beside them, but I try not to mind. The food is delicious and there’s dancing. I never thought I’d say this, but I like to dance. Baz has been teaching me and we’ve been practicing, sometimes with Penny, sometimes just the two of us. Agatha is amazed when I ask her to waltz with me and I don’t trip all over my feet. She’s here with her new boyfriend, a tall American. He’s nice enough, but we’re a bit awkward with each other. Baz, of course is amazing on the dance floor, graceful and elegant, he looks like something out of a 1940s film. He’s in his element here, circulating among these magical Americans with a confidence I could never have. I grab a glass of champagne from one of the trays that floats by. Micah and Penny’s little siblings are all going crazy on the dance floor.

 

Agatha’s dad, Dr. Wellbelove, corners me. He wants to talk about my future, something I try not to think about. I’m good at not thinking about things that upset me. He is very kind. He’s always liked me, taken an interest, but I know he pities me now and it bothers me. He thinks I should become a doctor, like him, but I don’t think my marks are good enough.

 

I end up standing around the bar with Rodolpho and Agatha’s boyfriend, Kevin, who, it turns out, is a pretty nice guy. He’s obviously besotted with Agatha and who can blame him? I don’t know if he realizes she and I have a history. Agatha seems happy with him. He’s very handsome, and friendly enough. We’re all getting a bit too drunk, and we’re having a pretty good time, talking football and TV shows we like, and I’m actually starting to relax a little bit.

 

Baz comes over and hands me a seltzer. His hand is cold and I look up at him. There’s that little line between his eyebrows and his face is pale. He’ll need to hunt soon, but there’s a wood behind the house, so he should be all right.

 

“Don’t get too drunk, “ he whispers in my ear. “You won’t be any good to me later.”

 

The rest of the wedding passes in a blur. Micah’s Dad and his uncles put on an amazing show of magical dancing. The cake is cut and a flock of blue butterflies rises from it. I’ve had enough. I can hardly wait to climb the stairs to the tiny attic bedroom Micah’s mom has fixed up for me and Baz.

 

I take off my tuxedo and head straight for the shower. When I get back to the room, Baz is sprawled on one of the twin beds, scrolling through his phone. His cheeks are pink. I can tell he’s been hunting. He’s shed his tuxedo jacket and cummerbund, and his dress shirt is half undone. He looks dead sexy, lying there. He reaches his hand up to me and pulls me down beside him and suddenly, I want him badly, in spite of the small bed and the thin walls and the house full of people we don’t really know.

 

I feel we are at our best with each other in bed. It's different than it used to be. We were both so nervous in the beginning. Now we know what we’re doing, what the other one needs. There’s not a lot of talking. And when we’re in the middle of it, or afterwards, lying together bathed in each others’ sweat, I feel like just being alive is enough, even though I don't have magic anymore.


End file.
